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Are You Parenting Like the Police? Part 1

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Are You Parenting Like the Police? Part 1

Shownotes for episode 26

 

The tension between wanting to be a conscious parent and the fear of your child being a victim of white supremacy is very real. We see this, experience this, and live this every day. But what happens when we let that fear lead the ways in which we parent our children?

Black children are more likely to be assaulted or killed by their parents than the police. And in a world where we are in constant fear of our childrens’ safety in the face of rampant police brutality, this truth is a hard one to swallow.

“This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you”

“I’m beating my kid so the police don’t beat them

Sound familiar?

How is time-out any different than solitary confinement? When we take away rights and privileges, we disempower them and perpetuate a hierarchy within the home. When we try to silence their tantrums versus supporting them during their emotional dysregulation (which is completely normal for all human beings, even adults!), we send the message that their emotions are not safe with us. If not with us, then where are our Black children safe to just be? To exist?

In this episode, Janelle Scales, Founder of “Neighbors not Nuisance” and Co-host of the “Love is JustUs” podcast, and I talk about:

  • The striking similarities between traditional corporal punishment and white supremacy
  • Why we need to stop using the same tools used by our oppressors in our parenting
  • How parenting like the police impacts our children’s growth, development, and nervous system
  • Unrealistic expectations that we place on our children in relation to emotional regulation
  • How to identify your triggers when your child is having a meltdown so you can co-regulation their emotions and support them when they need you most
  • Tips for transitioning out of parenting like the police and into conscious parenting
  • Strategies for “pausing before reacting” as a practice

Let’s be real – I don’t have it all together all the time and I’m sure you don’t either. We have moments – even in adulthood – that warrant tears, emotional outbursts, fear, exhaustion, etc… our children are no different. As adults, these outbursts just happen less frequently and we learn to develop emotional regulation tools – tools that children have not yet developed according to neuroscience. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean we should allow our kids to burn down the house when they are upset. It is healthy to set boundaries for acceptable ways to express their emotions – because they’re going to come out! They need to come out. When we stifle emotions, we impact our nervous system. We literally alter their DNA by forcing them to contain their emotions and it shows up in their physical and mental health. However, we can communicate healthy boundaries with our children when they are upset and cultivate a relationship where they feel seen, heard, held and supported when they need it most.

 

Keep it Conscious,

Yolanda

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Are You Parenting Like the Police? Part 1

Shownotes for episode 26

 

The tension between wanting to be a conscious parent and the fear of your child being a victim of white supremacy is very real. We see this, experience this, and live this every day. But what happens when we let that fear lead the ways in which we parent our children?

Black children are more likely to be assaulted or killed by their parents than the police. And in a world where we are in constant fear of our childrens’ safety in the face of rampant police brutality, this truth is a hard one to swallow.

“This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you”

“I’m beating my kid so the police don’t beat them

Sound familiar?

How is time-out any different than solitary confinement? When we take away rights and privileges, we disempower them and perpetuate a hierarchy within the home. When we try to silence their tantrums versus supporting them during their emotional dysregulation (which is completely normal for all human beings, even adults!), we send the message that their emotions are not safe with us. If not with us, then where are our Black children safe to just be? To exist?

In this episode, Janelle Scales, Founder of “Neighbors not Nuisance” and Co-host of the “Love is JustUs” podcast, and I talk about:

  • The striking similarities between traditional corporal punishment and white supremacy
  • Why we need to stop using the same tools used by our oppressors in our parenting
  • How parenting like the police impacts our children’s growth, development, and nervous system
  • Unrealistic expectations that we place on our children in relation to emotional regulation
  • How to identify your triggers when your child is having a meltdown so you can co-regulation their emotions and support them when they need you most
  • Tips for transitioning out of parenting like the police and into conscious parenting
  • Strategies for “pausing before reacting” as a practice

Let’s be real – I don’t have it all together all the time and I’m sure you don’t either. We have moments – even in adulthood – that warrant tears, emotional outbursts, fear, exhaustion, etc… our children are no different. As adults, these outbursts just happen less frequently and we learn to develop emotional regulation tools – tools that children have not yet developed according to neuroscience. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean we should allow our kids to burn down the house when they are upset. It is healthy to set boundaries for acceptable ways to express their emotions – because they’re going to come out! They need to come out. When we stifle emotions, we impact our nervous system. We literally alter their DNA by forcing them to contain their emotions and it shows up in their physical and mental health. However, we can communicate healthy boundaries with our children when they are upset and cultivate a relationship where they feel seen, heard, held and supported when they need it most.

 

Keep it Conscious,

Yolanda

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

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